May be surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
Just wanna go home
Home is not a place
Home is not a person
Home is not where the wifi connects instantly
Home is where I can find solace and peace
Home is where I can the find energy to deal with whatever life throws at me
Home is where I can feel most like me
Home is not just one place where I settle into.
Home is anywhere I can make a home out of, as long as I stay grounded within.
For nearly two decades I’ve wondered what is home, and where is home. Is this really home?
It’s been a case of bending and folding myself into the mold of a person that society/ family back in Singapore wants me to be. Questioning whether I belong. Feeling suffocated and unworthy from not fitting into the scripted idea of success. There are only so many fucks you can NOT give when people cast you judgemental looks or say negative things about choices you make in your face. And we wonder why we are exhausted, burnt out, and feel generally uninspired. So much energy is spent fighting off these feelings and trying to remain functional in my daily life.
After 40 days in Bali, I feel much more liberated and free. My mood has been generally uplifted and I’m able to bounce back from negative emotions more quickly. Even though I still get sad, I still get affected by things happening around me, here I have the capacity to process the emotions fully. To sit in them, process them with writing, and with friends. I’m not running away and distracting myself with things to do.
There are still many lessons I still need to learn, like how do I deal with attachment issues from being so transitory. But I’m pleased with my progress.
Next challenge would be trying to sustain this good energy even when I’m back in Singapore.